I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
