Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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