Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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