a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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