i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
