I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
