oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
