Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
