So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize