I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
