true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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