Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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