he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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