I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
