Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
