I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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