My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
