4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
