he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
