I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
