His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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