i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
FUCK WHALES
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
