if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
