i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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