I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
