It's Friday. Sex?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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