I feel great
I just peed on a car
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
