ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
