So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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