I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
