You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
