I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
