pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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