I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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