standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
