Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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