the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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