I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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