So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
