thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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