Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
