weddingsv make me drug and hornr
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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