Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
