I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
