If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this beer tastes like vomit already
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
