Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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