Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
