watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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