His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Congratulations! We have a period
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