Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Farmville is her only friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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