Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize