Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
