How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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