girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
