Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
