I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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