please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
