does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
