Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
