If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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