oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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