i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
