I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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