Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
