your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
