I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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