Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
