So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
