go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
